How Mothers Can Raise Good Husbands And Not Just Good Wives

Mothers are jewels. Mothers are homemakers. Mothers are great shapers. It is why they take a chunk of the upbringing business of the home. The mother plays an integral role in the making of better homes and better societies. For years; for so many years, the concentration of their upbringing business has been on making better wives out of the girl-child, which is great. But how about, instead of concentrating on just that, they widen the scope to further concentrate on making better husbands out of the boy-child?

In the Institution of Marriage, the relationship that exists is a networked one. Of the many good things we can do to change the status quo that has long made the woman to be just a servant in marriage but not a partner; is to instill in the boy child that, , if the husband plays his role greatly, it makes it easier for the wife to discharge hers conveniently which then makes a happy home.  We have long overlooked the fact that marriage as an institution which demands a collective input than just one person serving the lot. Just like the way one hand can’t give you a good hand shake, just (only) the effort of the woman cannot make a sound home.

Most often, we ponder which university our boys will go to or career path they will grow to tread on, but rarely do we think of them as somebody’s future spouse. It is even evenly difficult to imagine that they’d grow up to be parents someday, rather unfortunately. The purpose of this piece is to explore ways by which the next generation of our much revered and beloved mothers and/or wives can make the best out of the boy-child to make them better and more responsible.

To start with, understanding of the term “Marriage” and the accompanying role of the man should be made a key component in the education of the boy-child. He should be made to understand that Marriage is the similitude of a Partnership Business – which explains why the husband and wife are referred to as partners. For true happiness and success to prevail in any Marriage, the man must play his role as excellently as the wife should. The work is not for the wife alone to do. The perception that it is the wife that does majority of the work (especially in the house) in Marriage should never be given space to stick in the boy’s head. This will obviously be a hard thing to do, since he [probably] will grow up watching his mum do almost everything at home. Nevertheless, this should be taught to him primarily.

Our generation of mothers should make a conscious effort in raising the male child in a way he will be responsible in every detail of the home. From the kitchen to bed, from the laundry to even bathing of children.

Society and culture in some way have made some jobs look more effeminate just like other jobs look masculine. However it doesn’t underline the fact that of the 90% chores in a home it’s a job that both partners can do. What’s more beautiful when both give their input in making the home a great place where ethics, compassion, affection, responsibility and leadership is reflected?

Of the best chefs in the world are males, of the most effective laundry companies are run by males, of the good home decorators are companies run by males. So what’s the excuse that the male child should fold his hands and watch the dishing, the tidying, the bathing and cooking of meals while he can participate in these chores?

The male-child must be involved in some household chores like doing laundry, cleaning the bathroom or toilet and even cooking. This will go a long way to help him if or when he eventually ends up in a Boarding School before Marriage. And when in marriage, it makes easier to give a helping hand regarding household chores. And doing so, can help ease work load of the wife in the house which will eventually have a positive impact on the relationship

Next, teach him to learn to respect the girl-child. He should never grow up holding a disrespectful or demeaning attitude towards the girl, or woman, for that matter. Also, mothers could consider advising their boy-child that it is necessary to involve women in decision making process in marriages as well as do away with any cultural myth that adds nothing but hinders relationship.

Furthermore, get him doing the baby-sitting business. Sooner or later, he will find himself in a position requiring him to baby-sit his or someone else’s baby, so, our mothers should please make this an essential element of their learning process. The boy-child should not be allowed to climb the ladder of development without learning this important activities, regardless of what.

We believe if these explained points are well implemented by our respected mothers in the upbringing of male children could go a long way to preparing them for the ever-important roles in marriages come tomorrow.

Do you have any point in mind? Do you like article? Please share your thoughts in the comment box.

Written by Kamal Issah, Hamza Hajj Ayub & Lukumanu Iddrisu

10 THINGS WIVES WISH THEY COULD SAY TO THEIR HUSBANDS

In life, there are matters, issues or stuffs that have a very delicate nature. Among these is the issue marriage, which has proven to be a matter of very delicate importance. If you are married, then please quiz yourself this: what am I doing to spice up and sustain my marriage? But if it happens that you are yet to marry, then the question should be: how am I lacing up my boots in preparation? The concentration of this piece is going to be on the wife‘s perspective.

Traditionally, burden of work falls on the man in marriage, for he is the authority (being devoid of over-board Feminism here). He is the authority alright, but every step he takes should have the woman in mind in order for the foundation of the institution to remain firm and rooted. In fact, for the foundation to remain well rooted, it will depend massively on the woman. Women have needs, and a lot. It is in this light that we wish to bring to light [to you] 10 things wives wish they could tell their husbands if they could. So, here we go:

There is a reason I married you, so please don’t take that reason away: Women choose to marry men for numerous reasons. For instance, she might have married you due to the attention you accorded her during courtship, with the hope that you will accord her more of it once you’re married. Or, she did marry you because she felt you could help her accomplish something – her goals and aspirations, maybe. There is always that reason why she chose you as a life partner. Find it and spice it up, for an unhappy woman makes for an unexciting wife.

Intimacy is more important to me than Sex: Men usually mistaken Sex for Intimacy. Women on the other hand make a distinction between Sex and Intimacy, and rightly so. Sex is a subset of Intimacy, thus, Intimacy is a much bigger picture. Sex is an act, and an expression of Intimacy while Intimacy is a never-ending communication. Without Intimacy, Sex is empty. With Intimacy, nothing beats sex. So as a man, you should know that marriage transcends just Sex. Reach out to your wife emotionally and make her feel attached to you and your home is sure to be illuminated.

If you want sex in the evening, start from the morning: One of the persistent complaints of women is that their men do not prepare them for sex. The man should note that the woman is not a machine. She is a [special] person with feelings. If you don’t make her feel good during the day, know that she won’t be ready for sex during the night. In order for both parties to enjoy love-making, the tone should be set for the occasion. Most men usually do not experience the best sex their wives can give them because they’ve never got her into the mood. So make it a point to work on that.

When you come to bed smelling of sweat it turns me off: It’s no secret that the average man doesn’t like taking his bath in the evening and this causes unpleasant circumstances in the bedroom. When a man comes to bed after a hard day’s work smelling of sweat, it puts the wife off. It makes her feel so uncomfortable [in bed] in the event of such behavior. Be sure to give that a careful thought and adjust accordingly.

Please don’t bring your work home: When a man opens the main entrance into the house, his wife expects to have his undivided attention. So if the first thing the man does upon getting home is to pull out his laptop and get to work, the wife feels rejected or neglected. If for some reason you must bring work home, then first make time to chat with your wife and give her as much attention as she wants. When she feels she is of importance to you, she will be understanding enough to give you the space you need to attend to your work.

Stop trying to catch me cheating on you, because if I am really cheating on you, you will never know:  Many wives endure the constant suspicion of their husbands that they are cheating. The men tend to monitor their movements and their phone calls. Interestingly, women find this behavior of men laughable, because if a woman is cheating and does not want her husband to know, there is no way he will know. As a man, trust in your wife and believe the best of her.

When you don’t help me get to my climax before you roll over to sleep, you make me hate love-making with you: Men are narcissists as far as love-making is concerned. It doesn’t take much to satisfy a man, but it is a very different matter when it comes to satisfying a woman. Unfortunately, many women complain that as soon as their men ejaculate, they turn over and go to sleep without bothering whether their wives, too, have reached their climax or not. And when a woman has not reached her climax, it puts her on urge and robs her of sleep, thus making her hate the sexual act.

Please don’t make the children more important than me: It is unfortunate that – in some cultures – a lot of men are better fathers than they are husbands. They tend to give so much importance to their children at the expense of their wives – acting as if the children deserve their love more than their wives do. That situation is unacceptable. Men must always note that the children will eventually grow to depart the home. Focus on being a great husband and the children will see you as a great father.

Accord attention to the children: Most wives complain that their husbands don’t pay much attention to their kids. They leave the upbringing business wholly to the wife. They focus so much on their work and other matters at the detriment of the kids. They hardly play, engage or spend time with them. That is a bad thing to do. Men must not underestimate the extent to which their children yearn for their love, affection and time.

I love your mother, but I hate it when you make me feel that she is more important to you than me: It is an undeniable fact and situation that we all owe so much to our mothers. But once you marry, there should be a balance. Obviously, this is hard and almost impossible to accept, but that is the way it should be. Having said that, that should not in any way alter the obligation you owe your mum.

Those are the 10 things wives wish they could say to their husbands, and when one takes a critical look at them, one will have to agree [candidly] that they constitute the rights of the wife as far as the Institution of Wedlock is concerned. There is a popular saying which is captured earlier in this piece that: for the foundation of the home to stand firm, it depends solely on the woman, and if it is to crumble, it also will depend a lot on her.

Please don’t just marry a good woman and leave her to herself in the house; accord her respect and make the reason why she chose you over the many others count, and the union is sure to blossom infinitely. Thank you.

Do you agree with the points above? Do you have anything to add? Please keep them coming in the comment section below.

This piece is influenced by Uncle Ebo Whyte, as the stated points above emanated from him and written by Kamal Issah and Lukumanu Iddrisu

POLYGAMY; A STAINED BEAUTY

klimkin / Pixabay

The polygamous home is a beautiful home, for it usually brings people from different family, ethnicity and creed under one umbrella and a means to cater for most of the world social vices if we are to adhere to its rules and principles.

As people, it has become a matter of priority to make sure we find a way to make polygamy achieve its purpose as a means to enhance harmony between families and a way to cater for man’s inherent nature as a polygamous being.

However, the talk of polygamy today has become a criminal idea because of some frustrations in its malpractice and/or upholding to certain doctrines. There’s an old saying that; ‘he that is bitten by a snake runs when he sees a worm’. How then do we demystify the fear and terror that polygamy engraves in the heart of women today?

Man who is the initiator of polygamy is required to know, understand and prepare himself before he ventures into polygamy. It is however sad that we limit the preparation to just financial wherewithal, which is just a minute requirement of what polygamy demands.

Our human nature is made up of psychological, emotional, spiritual and physical demands. To pay attention to just one of these aspects of our inherent demands will create an imbalanced person which will be evident in our actions for we won’t be able to live wholly.

Man before he ventures into polygamy needs to be prepared psychologically to be able to absorb the weight in handling a bigger family. He needs to be emotionally fit in order not to implicitly or explicitly show that his heart endears to one wife over the other. So it is that he needs to be physically fit to ensure he can exercise his night duties without being partial over the other. These are factors that men usually do not pay heed to but only think so far as they can cater financially then all is set for one to delve into polygamy.

Our men of today do so little to give polygamy the beauty it deserves thereby making its name a nightmare to women of today. Being it out of fear or jealousy from the women, it is sad that majority of men have failed when it comes to handling polygamous homes.

It is an undeniable fact that most women will meet the idea of a second wife in their matrimonial home with frowns and unsettled behavior but it is up to the man and woman to give nature its due.

It is said that bad experience does not change a person but rather reveals who he or she really is. If a woman experiences the worst in it, she should find a way to educate her male child to be kind and good to his women and equip him with how to handle more than a single wife – if in his life he happens to do so. This will help ensure a positive outcome rather than mire it with bitter experiences which seemingly facilitates the rate of adultery.

Polygamy should be an education and not a revolution, where both husband and wife through their actions instill in their children how to live in a polygamous house if they find themselves in than rather painting a bitter image to them. For it is better to be polygamous (legally married to more than one wife) than to hypocritically practice monogamy whiles cheating (with many women) on your wife. Such is unethical in every sense.

Nurture the male kids with how to be loving, dutiful, responsible and impartial when they engage in polygamy, which may stem from a different cause than just to satisfy their sexual desires.

For the females,  they must be raised in a way that they will honor and make a polygamous home a beauty if they should encounter such reality than fuel them with bitterness about it  – for women are the foundation of a sound society because in them is a school that every man born of a woman will attend.

Just like the wise will say, ‘seal the holes in  the ceiling before the raining season’.

Although men have done a gruesome harm to the image of polygamy, women have contributed to finishing the polish of its bad image.

Pain like fire can be used to propel us to greater heights as a good servant and we could sink deep in perdition if we allow it to become a bad master on us. It is an inescapable reality that women will meet polygamy and men will indulge in it.

It should be a means to unite than divide, a means to progress than retrogress and means to achieve peace than to fall into chaos.

The task is on men to uphold to its principles and live as a model that depicts its beauty while is on to the women not to allow the bitterness from experiences of others influence them or the fruits of their marriage. For until we work positively towards it, polygamy will always bare negative fruits.

What is your take on the practice of polygamy? Does it have positive effects? share your thought in the comment box.

 

This article is written by Hamza Hajj Ayub. You can contact him on hajiyub@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

Why Chastity is Still Important Before Marriage

ObeyGravity / Pixabay

We live in an era of hyper sexuality; an era where one is regarded archaic, ‘too religious’ or claiming perfection when talking about chastity. Being chaste is no longer considered an honor and significant because our society has normalized sexuality in every way possible including media, the arts, and the adoption (so called) popular cultures.

 

A lot of relationships these days are broken at the courtship or dating stage due to the practice of chastity by one of the partners involved.

This is because the current millennials have placed more importance on sexual pleasure when it comes to relationship.

On an important note, one do not have to be religious to practice sexual chastity. I believe that aside religion, the overwhelming number of diverse cultures in the world (especially that of Africa) encourages sexual purity before marriage.

Nonetheless, there are lessons we can learn through practicing sexual chastity before marriage and in this article, I would try my possible best to digest the essence of this practice in a general perspective.

Trust is the first lesson to be learnt in an instance where both partners practice chastity whilst in courtship. This gives the certainty that although they each have sexual desires, they can control them.

Hélène opined that the physical desires partners naturally feel for each other whilst observing sexual abstinence at the stage of courtship creates a certain level of stress. This is an opportunity to see how both react under stress. Thus, tests in the courtship phase will give one an insight into your partner’s character—and into married life.

Furthermore, chastity lead partners into more than just a physical relationship but a communicative, spiritual relationship from the start.

Hélène exemplified that when she was courting with her (now) husband, their conversation became so open and honest that they would even say out loud that they are feeling sexually frustrated; yet they grew very close through this open communication. This actually enhanced their physical and spiritual desire for each other.

Another lesson to learn in this situation is the feeling of respect for each other. Because some days one partner feels more willing to break the rule, but the other can be steadfast, helping the other one out. As partners help each other out to accomplish such goal, it is highly likely that when they are married they can guide and guard each other towards fulfilling promises and achieving desired goals.

Do you still consider chastity important? Have you learnt anything from this article? Are you willing to practice it before marriage? Feel free to comment below.