POLYGAMY; A STAINED BEAUTY

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The polygamous home is a beautiful home, for it usually brings people from different family, ethnicity and creed under one umbrella and a means to cater for most of the world social vices if we are to adhere to its rules and principles.

As people, it has become a matter of priority to make sure we find a way to make polygamy achieve its purpose as a means to enhance harmony between families and a way to cater for man’s inherent nature as a polygamous being.

However, the talk of polygamy today has become a criminal idea because of some frustrations in its malpractice and/or upholding to certain doctrines. There’s an old saying that; ‘he that is bitten by a snake runs when he sees a worm’. How then do we demystify the fear and terror that polygamy engraves in the heart of women today?

Man who is the initiator of polygamy is required to know, understand and prepare himself before he ventures into polygamy. It is however sad that we limit the preparation to just financial wherewithal, which is just a minute requirement of what polygamy demands.

Our human nature is made up of psychological, emotional, spiritual and physical demands. To pay attention to just one of these aspects of our inherent demands will create an imbalanced person which will be evident in our actions for we won’t be able to live wholly.

Man before he ventures into polygamy needs to be prepared psychologically to be able to absorb the weight in handling a bigger family. He needs to be emotionally fit in order not to implicitly or explicitly show that his heart endears to one wife over the other. So it is that he needs to be physically fit to ensure he can exercise his night duties without being partial over the other. These are factors that men usually do not pay heed to but only think so far as they can cater financially then all is set for one to delve into polygamy.

Our men of today do so little to give polygamy the beauty it deserves thereby making its name a nightmare to women of today. Being it out of fear or jealousy from the women, it is sad that majority of men have failed when it comes to handling polygamous homes.

It is an undeniable fact that most women will meet the idea of a second wife in their matrimonial home with frowns and unsettled behavior but it is up to the man and woman to give nature its due.

It is said that bad experience does not change a person but rather reveals who he or she really is. If a woman experiences the worst in it, she should find a way to educate her male child to be kind and good to his women and equip him with how to handle more than a single wife – if in his life he happens to do so. This will help ensure a positive outcome rather than mire it with bitter experiences which seemingly facilitates the rate of adultery.

Polygamy should be an education and not a revolution, where both husband and wife through their actions instill in their children how to live in a polygamous house if they find themselves in than rather painting a bitter image to them. For it is better to be polygamous (legally married to more than one wife) than to hypocritically practice monogamy whiles cheating (with many women) on your wife. Such is unethical in every sense.

Nurture the male kids with how to be loving, dutiful, responsible and impartial when they engage in polygamy, which may stem from a different cause than just to satisfy their sexual desires.

For the females,  they must be raised in a way that they will honor and make a polygamous home a beauty if they should encounter such reality than fuel them with bitterness about it  – for women are the foundation of a sound society because in them is a school that every man born of a woman will attend.

Just like the wise will say, ‘seal the holes in  the ceiling before the raining season’.

Although men have done a gruesome harm to the image of polygamy, women have contributed to finishing the polish of its bad image.

Pain like fire can be used to propel us to greater heights as a good servant and we could sink deep in perdition if we allow it to become a bad master on us. It is an inescapable reality that women will meet polygamy and men will indulge in it.

It should be a means to unite than divide, a means to progress than retrogress and means to achieve peace than to fall into chaos.

The task is on men to uphold to its principles and live as a model that depicts its beauty while is on to the women not to allow the bitterness from experiences of others influence them or the fruits of their marriage. For until we work positively towards it, polygamy will always bare negative fruits.

What is your take on the practice of polygamy? Does it have positive effects? share your thought in the comment box.

 

This article is written by Hamza Hajj Ayub. You can contact him on hajiyub@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

Why Chastity is Still Important Before Marriage

ObeyGravity / Pixabay

We live in an era of hyper sexuality; an era where one is regarded archaic, ‘too religious’ or claiming perfection when talking about chastity. Being chaste is no longer considered an honor and significant because our society has normalized sexuality in every way possible including media, the arts, and the adoption (so called) popular cultures.

 

A lot of relationships these days are broken at the courtship or dating stage due to the practice of chastity by one of the partners involved.

This is because the current millennials have placed more importance on sexual pleasure when it comes to relationship.

On an important note, one do not have to be religious to practice sexual chastity. I believe that aside religion, the overwhelming number of diverse cultures in the world (especially that of Africa) encourages sexual purity before marriage.

Nonetheless, there are lessons we can learn through practicing sexual chastity before marriage and in this article, I would try my possible best to digest the essence of this practice in a general perspective.

Trust is the first lesson to be learnt in an instance where both partners practice chastity whilst in courtship. This gives the certainty that although they each have sexual desires, they can control them.

Hélène opined that the physical desires partners naturally feel for each other whilst observing sexual abstinence at the stage of courtship creates a certain level of stress. This is an opportunity to see how both react under stress. Thus, tests in the courtship phase will give one an insight into your partner’s character—and into married life.

Furthermore, chastity lead partners into more than just a physical relationship but a communicative, spiritual relationship from the start.

Hélène exemplified that when she was courting with her (now) husband, their conversation became so open and honest that they would even say out loud that they are feeling sexually frustrated; yet they grew very close through this open communication. This actually enhanced their physical and spiritual desire for each other.

Another lesson to learn in this situation is the feeling of respect for each other. Because some days one partner feels more willing to break the rule, but the other can be steadfast, helping the other one out. As partners help each other out to accomplish such goal, it is highly likely that when they are married they can guide and guard each other towards fulfilling promises and achieving desired goals.

Do you still consider chastity important? Have you learnt anything from this article? Are you willing to practice it before marriage? Feel free to comment below.

Expect More From Yourself And Less From Others

The human nature is an amazing one and a school in its entirety; if only we pay close attention to. Whatever man needs to develop and be a master of, has been embedded in us – if only we can tap and exploit it.

Pezibear / Pixabay

It’s however sad that the misery, downturn and bankruptcy in almost every aspect of our lives has been the misapplication of the perception of expectation. Thus, we expect people to know and do what we are supposed to do for ourselves.

We have in our DNA the expectation syndrome which ranges from the individual to the family, the society to the nation and even our nation to the world; we all expect our transformation to come from a different source and not ourselves.

Our social life has become a moral mockery; for the individual expects change to embrace him like evolution without initiating the cause. The illiterate and the educated both waiting for manna from heaven.

For instance, the number of unemployed graduates is sky rocketing because we have been made to expect jobs (from especially government) after graduating. In believing so, we sit, hoping and praying but it never happen. Similarly, we litter our compounds and environs and expect others (especially government) to clean it up.

Another example is that of developing nations. They expect grants and loans from developed nations in order to transform their nations. And so rare does these grants and loans come on a condition that favors these countries but rather keep sinking their economies into the pool of dependency.

marcisim / Pixabay

Some of our expectations are valid on the individual level – because in life we can’t really do it all. But we need to be wary of how this can lock us up in a cage of dependency. We need to start expecting more from ourselves first before we expect from others. At the end of the day, everyone is really just looking out for themselves so chances are, our expectations would not be met.

In conclusion, expectation is a great tool only when applied to your own person by tasking yourself to do that which you have set for yourself to do but not that which you expect from another person, the family or the society.

Have you been expecting from others? Are you able to meet your goals by expecting from others? Please comment below.

Writing credit: Hamza Hajj Ayub, Shafic Osman & Lukumanu Iddrisu

 

 

 

MISTAKE YOU (YOUNG) GUYS MUST NOT DO.

Dear young guys and ladies,

Unsplash / Pixabay

Marry now with the little you have. Don’t wait to be a millionaire, Have kids early so they grow along with you. Grow with your spouse and kids and succeed with them. Start your life now as you might still not succeed at your target age.

Many people have waited to make so much money before they get married, years later money has refused to come, still no wife, no kids.

When you’ve found true love don’t hesitate waiting for money, it may mean waiting till eternity.

So many young guys are pretending not to be financially buoyant enough to marry but are already living couples life, so many girls are even wasting away on our streets as sex toys for men old enough to be their grandfather still they tell you they are not matured enough for marriage.

When you marry early, you get preoccupied with your spouse and not end up as “pubic utility ” for all and sundry, good enough your kids grow along with you. Stop looking for a “ready made” spouse, work your spouse’s success with him/her grow your wealth together – it gives you a sense of belonging and you’ll have a say.

If you have means, please marry early, don’t wait till you see your friends’ kids graduating while you still have yours in kindergarten classes, don’t wait to be 60 years and you still have kids in elementary school, don’t have kids young enough to be your grandchildren.

Contentment comes not from much wealth but fewer wants, don’t wait to buy Range Sport or build Mansions before you start you matrimony, ask your parents where and how they started, you’ll see that you’re even better off.

Trust me, it isn’t money that brings happiness but contentment, be happy with the little you’ve got, grow with your spouse and pray for more.

For the ladies, why wait?, when it’s even detrimental to your health to bear children late, why not do the needful while still at your prime?, very many who are waiting for “Mr Rich”
ended up as second wife, single parent, baby-Mama, very many never even married.

Don’t be deceived waiting for that man who can afford Peruvian wig, designer bags and cutest of wears, those guys are non existent else you’ll end up as money ritual material.

Please young guys, take my advice seriously, settle down early, don’t delay yourself

SerenaWong / Pixabay

waiting for a big society wedding, the ceremony is just few hours while marriage is lifetime, no matter how much you spend on wedding ceremony, yours won’t be the best and no matter how little you can afford, yours won’t be the worst, you’ll always be somewhere in-between, so why worry yourself?.

Take this as a sincere advise from me.

This is article is written by PROFESSOR HASSAN ABUBAKAR. It is featured on this blog because it’s a content worth sharing to alert our youth. All comments and opinions shall be directed to him.