It Takes More Than Love To Stay Faithful – You Need These 3 Characters

Being married and having a pleasant moment is what all spouses crave for. However, as the world is full tests; there comes a time when relationships are tested.

The tests in marriages in our generation is like walking on a tight rope. The little imbalance will cause your fall. None is a stranger to temptation by any means.

Tests leading to unfaithfulness in marriages can be someone temporarily intruding the relationship, boredom in the relationship, lack of interest in one’s partner or due to our hyper sexual environment/generation, just to mention a few.

One might say “You are married. So, stay true to your spouse.” On a biological level, it is really that simple but very hard to apply and achieve.

The number of cheating cases in this generation of ours is alarming. Adultery has increased in many parts of the world including where you might be reading me from.

Infidelity has been cited as the most common reason for divorced or dissolved marriages according divorce lawyers and marriage counselors.

But can we say all culprits of cheating do not love their spouses? NO! There’s an adage that says, “No one spends money to marry the enemy”.

Literally, everyone marries the one he/she loves – which is undoubted unless otherwise. It must be understood that love alone does not guarantee faithfulness in marriage.

Love comes from the heart but it takes the head to build a solid relationship. No matter how you love your spouse, you are liable to infidelity if you lack the following characters;

Control Your Gaze

“Don’t think you are too powerful and grand to stand temptations, the best way to avoid being tempted is by lowering your gaze” ~ Mufti Menk (Islamic Theologian)

The use of the eyes is significant in the success of marriages. The eyes are the number one avenue for temptation. What the eyes see is what the mind digests and what the mind digests is what is sent to the brain to respond. If the eyes are not given control, it looks at anything anyhow and at any time. But if it is regulated, it knows “what to look fixedly and what to turn a blind sight upon”

Imagine a woman walking along the road dressed in a provocative attire. A (married) man with an unguarded sight will gaze upon her to the extent that he might be emotionally attracted which then leads to extramarital relations.

Similarly, a woman who is not careful with the eyes might come across other men who might have good limbs and flexy muscles than her husband. If care is not taken, the woman might get attracted to such men and the unmentionable will happen.

“Remember! women nowadays crave for six packs and not six cars”   Lool!!!!

Therefore, if the eyes are not tamed – one will gaze upon figures of the opposite sex that might cause the fellow to disparage the features of his or her partner.

In essence, use your eyes to only see the best in your spouse and help in suggesting how he/she can maintain or improve and not to look at others as a gauge. For the correct use of the eye prevents one from being tempted and in turn strengthen marriage relationship.

“out of sight, out of mind”

Self-Discipline

Nothing can be successful without discipline. No matter what you do, sustainability and long-term success cannot be achieved if there’s no self-discipline.

To live a healthy relationship and be happy, self-discipline is needed to accomplish such goal. Alternately becoming faithful in marriage requires emotional and physical discipline.

Self-discipline is often easy when one adapts to the first step (lowering your gaze).

There are instances where one finds him/herself to be attracted to someone (opposite sex) other than the spouse because that “someone” listens or pays more attention than the spouse. Gradually, one might start to rely on that person for emotional support.

This is referred as emotional infidelity. Without emotional discipline, the tendency of doing something silly is very possible.

Undoubtedly, there are period of frustrations in marriages and the best way to solve them is to address problems together with your spouse rather than a friend of the opposite sex. That’s why you are married!

You never know; someone might be waiting to capitalize on your weakness. Because there are instances where people in the name of consoling their friends (of the opposite sex) turn out as a different story hence physical infidelity.

To conquer these; try as much as possible to distance yourself from the opposite sex and learn to draw the lines when the opposite sex tries to lure you from your partner. Again, control your mind from lusting for others.

Finally, remember good things and always think positive about your mate when your emotions are drifted.

Contentment

Going after beauty or handsomeness is just like chasing money. If it’s the only choice to make you happy, you’ll never be happy; for it is infinite. ~ Lukumanu Iddrisu

Be happy and satisfied for who your spouse is.  Have a mindset that makes you feel highly of your partner to the extent that no beauty or handsomeness can fascinate you.

Moral Uprightness

I don’t know for the various cultures in the world but I believe 100% that, there’s no religion in this world that supports adultery. The two most dominated religions in the world i.e. Islam and Christianity both frowns on fornication and adultery. It is referred as unethical and a grave sin.

Believers in Islam or Christianity who conform to high standard of morality have fear of their Lord and  are very conscious with regards to committing such acts or crime. Both believe that it stains spirituality and retrogresses one’s success in this world and the next.

Therefore, being religious is another way of preventing yourself from committing adultery.

Ideally, this article is to champion the path of faithfulness in one’s marriage since it’s a determining factor for a long lasting relationship.

Always remind yourself and work towards it. The ball is in your court!

Were you inspired by this post? I would be grateful for your comment below. Please share to reach others. Thank you.

Recipes for a Long Lasting Relationship

bngdesigns / Pixabay

The start of marriage is exciting, but making it last is hard work. How to stay in love matters require maintaining and improving upon certain good habits. Marriage is a commitment and is a “promise that you will hold each other’s hand no matter the situation.”

facebook-post

Before writing this article, I sought the opinion of my Facebook followers regarding factors that can lead to a long lasting relationship. They gave lots of correlated tips – however, I will be writing in parts as well as using real life scenarios to send a true message to readers.

In my opinion one of the toughest tests in life is marriage (relationship). Marriage-relationship is a never ending process that needs consistency to keep it moving. It always look simple in the eyes but tough in reality. Perhaps due to the way society “choose” to share most of the positives and not the entire truth. To be very honest, marriage is very hard to maintain but easy to crush.

Going straight to the point without taking enough space, I will be touching on realities that can easily make a healthy and happy marriage-relationship.

Competition and materialism have taken over our current generation affecting all lifestyles; marriage is of no exception. A lot of marriages are under the bus because of comparison and competition. For instance, many people make demands in their marriages owing to what they’ve seen in others’ marriages.

As human beings our capabilities are not equal and same applies to our marriages. Your friend’s husband can afford to buy her a car to run her errands but your husband can only afford a monthly bus ticket for you. Don’t let luxuries in other people’s marriage influence you to force your spouse to provide same. If you do that, you are getting close to ruining your relationship.

For if you always look at those who have more than you do, you will never be grateful. Be in your lane. It should be noted that we may be in same fraternity called marriage but as the saying goes “all fingers are not equal” hence we cut our coat according to our cloth/size.

Having the mind-set “you are enough for me” erases competition and the urge to impress the public with regards to your marriage and help set a clear path in creating a harmonious bond between you and your spouse to work fervently to attain your goals in your relationship.  When you are content, you think highly of your partner which feels like he/she is a unique being (celebrity) and that will prevent you from getting star-strucked (fascinated) by anybody in terms beauty, wealth, fame and the rest.

Appreciation goes along with contentment. Be thankful! Even if he can afford something worth the price of a handkerchief.  Also, say thank you to show appreciation to your wife’s efforts when she cooks and it doesn’t suit your taste. Savour what you have and help your spouse in working towards greatness.
Therefore, contentment and gratitude are key ingredients to a long lasting (successful) relationship.

The above mentioned points cannot be achieved without proper communication and compromise. As a man, let your spouse know what you can afford and what you cannot. Don’t give high hopes which will result in disappointments and eventually break the marriage.  Communicating properly to your spouse brings understanding.

Positive communication by words and by actions hold marriage-relationships stable.Talk about your weaknesses and strengths to create a platform to better them. Don’t protect your relationship with lies for truth is relentless and it will hit you at the time unexpected.

The communication should include what we call empathic listening, which means trying to understand the other person. It’s only when there is understanding that the communication becomes deep and intrinsically satisfying. This will lead both of you to accept each other for who you truly are and will create honesty, trust and heart of comprise.

This ends episode one of Recipes for a Long Lasting Relationship. Other parts will be posted subsequently. I would be grateful to have your comments below or on my facebook page. You also can share to inspire others. Thank you.

You can follow me on the following social media handles:

Twitter: @Lukumanuminute, @Lukumanugh

Instagram: @Lukumanuminute, @Lukumanugh

 

10 Things Successful People Do

Most people these days are brought up on the belief that succeeding in life is about working hard and nothing else. They’re told that they can be absolutely anything they want and that all it takes to achieve even the highest goals is enough determination.

cpowell2 / Pixabay

However while hard work is certainly an important part of the equation, it’s important to realize that the big picture is actually about a lot more.

As a writer obsessed with productivity and someone that have the privilege to move with successful people, I’ve scoured the lives of successful people to discover what they do differently from the rest of us.

Let’s see these top 10 things successful people now do.

 

  1. They network

Networking is a new major part of business strategy. Successful people are good with people, and being a true people person is about a lot more than just knowing how to network. No matter what business you’re in, you need to know how to really make the most of opportunities to connect with others on a profound level.

Successful people never miss a chance to meet important individuals who could help them reach their goals and they make it a point to build strong, mutually beneficial bonds with clients and customers.

 

  1. They stay healthy

Nowadays many successful people recognize the importance of keeping fit and staying healthy. I don’t think it’s possible to be productive if you’re sick, tired or generally in poor shape.

So staying healthy and keeping fit is what most successful people now do.

 

  1. They start new projects

Most successful people who are talented, smart, or good at coming up with ideas are a dime a dozen.  Interesting to note there are many good ideas and only a few materialize to actual projects.

They enjoy being instrumental in new projects and like the sense of accomplishments when successfully complete a project.

 

  1. Commitment

People who are committed to achieving their goals no matter what that ultimately wins the race. Every endeavor will run into setbacks and seemingly insurmountable obstacles at some point.

Successful people never, ever lose steam when this happens. They come up with quick and fast solution

 

  1. They face challenges

They face a lot of challenges that they won’t even discuss with their family members not to talk of the public, because giving out too much information’s about their challenges might give competitors an extra edge.

 

  1. Incubate Ideas

Successful people are good in thinking about great ideas and put them into action, there are abundant ideas out there. Even if the idea they have leads to a successful project or venture, it usually takes time to refine a concept before it makes any sense.

 

  1. Positive thinking

Successful individuals realize that their mindset can impact all factors of their life, such as success.

Studies have found that positive thinking reveals individuals up to creating new skills, which can have an adding effect among happy people who repeat this process.

 

  1. They take calculated risk

Successful people like Mack Zuckerberg and Bill Gates didn’t become wildly successful by playing it safe.

Successful people know that taking risks within certain boundaries is absolutely necessary. They know failure is a viable option, and that they can learn and grow from their mistakes.

 

  1. Managing time efficiency

Everyone knows the saying “time is money”. Successful people know that no matter what they do, they can never going to change the fact that they only have 24 hours in one day. It’s your responsibility to make sure that those 24 hours are used effectively and wisely.

 

  1. They never stop learning

You’ll realize that successful people like to read, and desire learning more. They are always take in more information they can apply to their lifestyles and professions. This information helps them regularly change and develop.

Below is a video slide

 

 

SELF-DOUBT IS A KILLER TO YOUR SUCCESS – CONQUER IT IN 8 WAYS

 

Am not sure am good enough for him/her. I don’t think I can be able to do this job. It’s not possible to achieve this dream. I can’t do this, can’t do that-are all self-doubt.

Self-doubt is part of every human and it shows up in serious moments in one’s life.
It sabotages goodness that may come your way – making you feel inadequate and insecure be it marriage, work or school.

ambroochizafer / Pixabay

Although self-doubt helps to keep you on track with your limitations or bad ideas, it mostly holds you back.

The way we manage our self-doubt makes the difference in our success or failure.

Research confirms that self-doubt can seriously impair your performance in anything and when handled correctly can actually offer opportunities for personal growth, change, and improved confidence.

I happen to motivate a lot of people who read me, however there are certain times I experience doubts within myself. Below are the way I get past self-doubts;

Work on your subconscious Mind

“We cannot always control our thoughts, but we can control our words, and repetition impresses the subconscious, and we are then master of the situation.” Jane Fonda

This is perhaps the most important tip you can take away from any self-improvement class. In anything you want to do in life, you are your own critic.

The inner voice that keeps telling you this is difficult, you cannot do this or that. Learn to shut down this negative self-talk and prepare yourself for greater things to come.

Talk positively to yourself always. Develop your own mantra. This will enforce the power of positivity on your subconscious mind.

If you are faced with indecision, tell yourself there is always a solution. A task seems bigger and you are thinking about giving up, tell yourself you can do it.

These small talks you give yourself  are tit bits you are giving to your subconscious mind to change its working direction from negativity to positivity and once you are able to guide it to that direction, you will find out that you are able to do many things that you previously thought you could not do.

 

Stop comparing

“Try not to get lost in comparing yourself to others. Discover your gifts and let them shine! Softball is amazing that way as a sport. Everyone on the field has a slightly different ability that makes them perfect for their position” Jennie Finch

Sometimes we are tempted to look at what others have achieved in their lives and use it as a yardstick to judge our success or failure in life. In as much as this may seem a good idea, the hard truth is that you will be limiting yourself or judging yourself wrongly.

The most important thing in life is not to compare yourself with others but rather understand your own life story-your criteria for success should be judged by your own journey through life.

What have you gone through before reaching your current status? Were you born with a silver spoon in your mouth or you had to endure from childhood until you reached where you are now?

You may think your next door neighbour is more successful than you are because of the house they own, the car they drive, or the type of job they have but don’t be fooled by appearance because each and every one of us has his own story.

Keep to your story and never lose sight of your target in life instead of looking at what others have got.

 

Just Do it

“A real decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken a new action. If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided” Tony Robbins

You might have a dream about being the inventor of the next big thing yet so long as you never have the courage to begin working on it, it will always be a dream – and the difference between a dream and reality is way bigger than the distance between the earth and the sun. Nike couldn’t have said it better with their slogan “just do it”.

Never be afraid of the outcome of your venture. If you feel strong about it, just hop in and start doing. After all, doing something, no matter how small or insignificant, is better than not doing anything at all.

Mistakes are bound to happen, but don’t take it as a sign of your weakness, but rather as a valuable lesson learnt on your way to solving a problem or creating something awesome.

Work on yourself.

“To become a master at any skill, it takes the total effort of your heart, mind, and soul working together in tandem.” Maurice Young

There is no best time to self-doubt than when we are faced with an important assignment like a presentation, an exam or even an executive meeting. What sometimes causes this is our lack of preparation for the job at hand. You feel pressured because you don’t know if you know the subject enough or if your presentation will be appreciated by your boss or potential customers.

The best solution for this is to be working gradually on the problems over time, not just at the eleventh hour.

As a student you will be better off studying for the exam several months ahead instead of just 3 days to the D-day.  Good students get to review the lessons, answer mock questions and re-read where they think they have a shortcoming before the exams because they start earlier and gradually instead of trying to learn a whole dictionary the night before exam.

The same thing applies to the job presentation. Start gradually and make sure you dedicate time to do it instead rushing on it when you feel you cannot avoid it.

“Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do.” Pele

 

If you fall try to rise

“Perseverance is failing 19 times and succeeding the 20th.” Julie Andrews

Know beforehand that you will fall. The road to success in life is a slippery one. No matter how you plan ahead, no matter how you think through, unexpected situations always arise.

Failure comes and sometimes it comes in droves. But as a determined person, you must not allow yourself to be thrown under the bus.

By understanding this fact, you should see any type of failure that comes your way as nothing other than a temporary setback that you are sure to overcome on your way to success.

Don’t place unreasonable expectations on yourself.

The best part in overcoming self-doubt is not to place unreasonable pressure on yourself. If you are in a working environment with other co-workers, know the limits of your responsibility.

Trying to do many things at once will put you under immense pressure. When this happens, you tend to see your work as below par or at worst a failure, helping to create a breeding ground for self-doubt.

Do what is really important and as much as you can, don’t take other people’s load on your shoulder.

 

Talk to someone

“My success was due to good luck, hard work, and support and advice from friends and mentors. But most importantly, it depended on me to keep trying after I had failed.” Mark Warner

We are human and it is within our human DNA to be social beings. Sometimes when faced with a task that is intimidating having someone to talk to could go a long way to provide relief and even a very huge moral boost that can drive us to success.

 

They don’t care

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” Bernard M. Baruch
Do you feel intimidated because you think someone is observing you or you are scared people will talk badly about you if you say something wrong?

Don’t worry, in reality no one cares about what you do or say and even if they do, everybody makes a mistake

Don’t let the opinions of others be a stumbling block for you to become a statue. If you have an opinion share it, if there is something you want to do, do it. That is how you overcome your inner self critic.

 

Conclusion

Almost everybody has been faced with self-doubt in one way or another in their life. It is not a big deal to find yourself in such a situation, but learning how to handle yourself to come out graciously is an asset that can be used in your daily life.

“Self-doubt is a retrogress to your success” Lukumanu Iddrisu