In life, there are matters, issues or stuffs that have a very delicate nature. Among these is the issue marriage, which has proven to be a matter of very delicate importance. If you are married, then please quiz yourself this: what am I doing to spice up and sustain my marriage? But if it happens that you are yet to marry, then the question should be: how am I lacing up my boots in preparation? The concentration of this piece is going to be on the wife‘s perspective.

Traditionally, burden of work falls on the man in marriage, for he is the authority (being devoid of over-board Feminism here). He is the authority alright, but every step he takes should have the woman in mind in order for the foundation of the institution to remain firm and rooted. In fact, for the foundation to remain well rooted, it will depend massively on the woman. Women have needs, and a lot. It is in this light that we wish to bring to light [to you] 10 things wives wish they could tell their husbands if they could. So, here we go:

There is a reason I married you, so please don’t take that reason away: Women choose to marry men for numerous reasons. For instance, she might have married you due to the attention you accorded her during courtship, with the hope that you will accord her more of it once you’re married. Or, she did marry you because she felt you could help her accomplish something – her goals and aspirations, maybe. There is always that reason why she chose you as a life partner. Find it and spice it up, for an unhappy woman makes for an unexciting wife.

Intimacy is more important to me than Sex: Men usually mistaken Sex for Intimacy. Women on the other hand make a distinction between Sex and Intimacy, and rightly so. Sex is a subset of Intimacy, thus, Intimacy is a much bigger picture. Sex is an act, and an expression of Intimacy while Intimacy is a never-ending communication. Without Intimacy, Sex is empty. With Intimacy, nothing beats sex. So as a man, you should know that marriage transcends just Sex. Reach out to your wife emotionally and make her feel attached to you and your home is sure to be illuminated.

If you want sex in the evening, start from the morning: One of the persistent complaints of women is that their men do not prepare them for sex. The man should note that the woman is not a machine. She is a [special] person with feelings. If you don’t make her feel good during the day, know that she won’t be ready for sex during the night. In order for both parties to enjoy love-making, the tone should be set for the occasion. Most men usually do not experience the best sex their wives can give them because they’ve never got her into the mood. So make it a point to work on that.

When you come to bed smelling of sweat it turns me off: It’s no secret that the average man doesn’t like taking his bath in the evening and this causes unpleasant circumstances in the bedroom. When a man comes to bed after a hard day’s work smelling of sweat, it puts the wife off. It makes her feel so uncomfortable [in bed] in the event of such behavior. Be sure to give that a careful thought and adjust accordingly.

Please don’t bring your work home: When a man opens the main entrance into the house, his wife expects to have his undivided attention. So if the first thing the man does upon getting home is to pull out his laptop and get to work, the wife feels rejected or neglected. If for some reason you must bring work home, then first make time to chat with your wife and give her as much attention as she wants. When she feels she is of importance to you, she will be understanding enough to give you the space you need to attend to your work.

Stop trying to catch me cheating on you, because if I am really cheating on you, you will never know:  Many wives endure the constant suspicion of their husbands that they are cheating. The men tend to monitor their movements and their phone calls. Interestingly, women find this behavior of men laughable, because if a woman is cheating and does not want her husband to know, there is no way he will know. As a man, trust in your wife and believe the best of her.

When you don’t help me get to my climax before you roll over to sleep, you make me hate love-making with you: Men are narcissists as far as love-making is concerned. It doesn’t take much to satisfy a man, but it is a very different matter when it comes to satisfying a woman. Unfortunately, many women complain that as soon as their men ejaculate, they turn over and go to sleep without bothering whether their wives, too, have reached their climax or not. And when a woman has not reached her climax, it puts her on urge and robs her of sleep, thus making her hate the sexual act.

Please don’t make the children more important than me: It is unfortunate that – in some cultures – a lot of men are better fathers than they are husbands. They tend to give so much importance to their children at the expense of their wives – acting as if the children deserve their love more than their wives do. That situation is unacceptable. Men must always note that the children will eventually grow to depart the home. Focus on being a great husband and the children will see you as a great father.

Accord attention to the children: Most wives complain that their husbands don’t pay much attention to their kids. They leave the upbringing business wholly to the wife. They focus so much on their work and other matters at the detriment of the kids. They hardly play, engage or spend time with them. That is a bad thing to do. Men must not underestimate the extent to which their children yearn for their love, affection and time.

I love your mother, but I hate it when you make me feel that she is more important to you than me: It is an undeniable fact and situation that we all owe so much to our mothers. But once you marry, there should be a balance. Obviously, this is hard and almost impossible to accept, but that is the way it should be. Having said that, that should not in any way alter the obligation you owe your mum.

Those are the 10 things wives wish they could say to their husbands, and when one takes a critical look at them, one will have to agree [candidly] that they constitute the rights of the wife as far as the Institution of Wedlock is concerned. There is a popular saying which is captured earlier in this piece that: for the foundation of the home to stand firm, it depends solely on the woman, and if it is to crumble, it also will depend a lot on her.

Please don’t just marry a good woman and leave her to herself in the house; accord her respect and make the reason why she chose you over the many others count, and the union is sure to blossom infinitely. Thank you.

Do you agree with the points above? Do you have anything to add? Please keep them coming in the comment section below.

This piece is influenced by Uncle Ebo Whyte, as the stated points above emanated from him and written by Kamal Issah and Lukumanu Iddrisu